Life of Brian Script
Scene 5: Premature Ejection
CROWD OF WOMEN: yelling
JEWISH OFFICIAL: Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath,...
MATTHIAS: Do I say 'yes'?
STONE HELPER #1: Yes.
OFFICIAL: ...you have been found guilty by the elders of the
town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so, as a blasphemer,...
OFFICIAL: ...you are to be stoned to death.
MATTHIAS: Look. I-- I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to
my wife was, 'That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.'
OFFICIAL: Blasphemy! He's said it again!
CROWD: Yes! Yes, he did! He did!...
OFFICIAL: Did you hear him?!
CROWD: Yes! Yes, we did! We did!...
WOMAN #1: Really!
OFFICIAL: Are there any women here today?
CROWD: No. No. No. No...
OFFICIAL: Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me--
CULPRIT WOMAN stones MATTHIAS
MATTHIAS: Oww! Lay off! We haven't started yet!
OFFICIAL: Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come
CROWD: She did! She did! He did! He! He. He. Him. Him. Him.
Him. He did.
CULPRIT WOMAN: Sorry. I thought we'd started.
OFFICIAL: Go to the back.
CULPRIT WOMAN: Oh, dear.
OFFICIAL: Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we?
MATTHIAS: Look. I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just
CROWD: Oooh! He said it again! Oooh!...
OFFICIAL: You're only making it worse for yourself!
MATTHIAS: Making it worse?! How could it be worse?! Jehovah!
OFFICIAL: I'm warning you. If you say Jehovah once more...
MRS. A. stones OFFICIAL
Right. Who threw that?
OFFICIAL: Come on. Who threw that?
CROWD: She did! It was her! He! He. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him.
OFFICIAL: Was it you?
MRS. A.: Yes.
MRS. A.: Well, you did say 'Jehovah'.
CROWD: Ah! Ooooh!...
CROWD stones MRS. A.
OFFICIAL: Stop! Stop, will you?! Stop that! Stop it! Now,
look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle! Do you
understand?! Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if
they do say 'Jehovah'.
CROWD stones OFFICIAL
WOMAN #1: Good shot!
clap clap clap