Life of Brian Script

Scene 4: Stonings: How to Find that Perfect Rock

MANDY: Ohh, I hate wearing these beards.

BRIAN: Why aren't women allowed go to stonings, Mum?

MANDY: It's written. That's why.

HARRY THE HAGGLER: Pssst! Beard, madam?

DONKEY OWNER: Oh, look. I haven't got time to go to no stonings. He's not well again.

hee-haw hee-haw

HARRY THE HAGGLER: Stones, sir?

MANDY: Naah. They've got a lot there, lying around on the ground.

HARRY THE HAGGLER: Oh, not like these, sir. Look at this. Feel the quality of that. That's craftsmanship, sir.

MANDY: Hmmm. Aah, all right. We'll have, uh, two with points and... a big flat one.

BRIAN: Could I have a flat one, Mum?

MANDY: Shh!

BRIAN: Sorry. Dad.

MANDY: Ehh, all right. Two points, ah, two flats, and a packet of gravel.

HARRY THE HAGGLER: Packet of gravel. Should be a good one this afternoon.

MANDY: Hehh?

HARRY THE HAGGLER: Local boy.

MANDY: Oh, good.

HARRY THE HAGGLER: Enjoy yourselves.