Monty Python Scripts

The Public Are Idiots

The cast:

MRS. MOCK TUDOR

Graham Chapman

MRS. ELIZABETH III

Terry Jones

The sketch:

Then cut to two twin-set-and-pearls ladies, Mrs. Elizabeth III and Mrs. Mock Tudor. They are in a sitting room with vulgar furnishings. By the TV, which they are watching, stands a small Arab boy. He has electrodes fixed to him and wires stretching from a control box held by Mrs. Elizabeth III. They are watching the tramps.

Mrs. Mock Tudor: Bloody repeats!

She presses the switch. The Arab boy flinches with pain and turns and switches of the TV set.

Mrs. Elizabeth III: Yes, repeats or war films. It really makes you want to micturate.

Mrs. Mock Tudor: People on television treat the general public like idiots.

Mrs. Elizabeth III: Well we are idiots.

Mrs. Mock Tudor: Oh no we are not!

Mrs. Elizabeth III: Well I am.

Mrs. Mock Tudor: How do you know you're an idiot?

Mrs. Elizabeth III: Oh, I can show you!

Mrs. Mock Tudor: How?

Mrs. Elizabeth III: Look!

Cut to Mrs. Elizabeth III coming out of the front door in a fairly well-to-do mock Tudor detached house in its own grounds. She runs headlong into a tree opposite the front door. Repeat a few times. Then she rushes into a field, digs a hole three feet deep and stands in it. Cut to her standing beside a letter box. She straps on a long false nose and pokes it through the letter box. She drinks a delicate cup of tea at a posh café and eats the whole cup. Cut to her nailing something to a lorry. The lorry starts off to reveal that she had been nailing herself to the lorry. She is dragged away. Cut to TV planners at a window, watching Mrs. Elizabeth III doing silly things in a car park below them. She has a cream bun hanging from a long stick which comes out of her hat. She walks along strangely.

Monty Python Scripts

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