Monty Python Scripts

'The Attila the Hun Show'

The cast:

FIRST VOICE OVER

John Cleese

SECOND VOICE OVER

Michael Palin

ATTILA THE HUN

John Cleese

MRS. ATTILA

Carol Cleveland

JENNY

Graham Chapman

ROBIN

Michael Palin

UNCLE TOM

Eric Idle

ANNOUNCER

John Cleese

The sketch:

(Stock film of fast moving Huns thundering around on horseback.)

1st Voice Over: In the fifth century, as the once-mighty Roman Empire crumbled, the soft underbelly of Western Europe lay invitingly exposed to the barbarian hordes to the East. Alaric the Visigoth, Galseric the Vandal and Theodoris the Ostrogoth in turn swept westward in a reign of terror. But none surpassed in power and cruelty the mighty Attila the Hun.

2nd Voice Over: Ladies and gentlemen, it's the 'The Attila the Hun Show'.

(Cut to film. Music plays: 'The Debbie Reynolds Show' theme - 'With a little love, just a little love'. We see Attila the Hun running towards Mrs. Attila the Hun in slow motion, laughing and smiling. Caption on screen: 'THE ATTILA THE HUN SHOW' Attila and his wife frolic and fall over in slow motion for a bit (copying Debbie Reynolds credits as closely as possible). Captions:
'STARRING ATTILA THE HUN'
'AND RAY SLUDGE AS MRS ATTILA THE HUN'
'WITH TY GUDRUN AND NIK CON AS JENNY AND ROBIN ATTILA THE HUN'
'MUSIC BY THE HUNLETS'
Cut to stock film of fast-moving Huns on horseback.)

1st Voice Over: In the second quarter of the fifth century, the Huns became a byword for merciless savagery. Their Khan was the mighty warrior Attila. With his devastating armies he swept across Central Europe.

(Cut to American-living-room-type set. Doorbell rings. Attila the Hun enters the door.)

Attila: Oh darling, I'm home.

Mrs. Attila: Hello darling. Had a busy day at the office?

Attila: Not at all bad. (playing to camera) Another merciless sweep across Central Europe.

(Canned laughter.)

Ms Attila: I won't say I'm glad to see you, but boy, am I glad to see you.

(Enormous canned laughter and applause. Enter two kids.)

Jenny: Hi, daddy.

Robin: Hi, daddy.

Attila: Hi, Jenny, hi, Robby. (brief canned applause) Hey, I've got a present for you two kids in that bag. (they pull out a severed head) I want you kids to get a-head.

(Enormous shriek of canned laughter and applause. Enter one of us blacked up like Rochester, holding a tray of drinks.)

Uncle Tom: Heah you are, Mr. Hun!

(Masses of dubbed applause.)

Attila: Hi, Uncle Tom.

Uncle Tom: There's a whole horde of them marauding Visigoths to see y'all.

(Cut to more stock film of these Huns rushing about on their horses. Superimposed image of announcer at his desk.)

Announcer: And now for something completely different.

It's Man: It's ...

(Massive canned applause. Animated credit titles.)

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