Monty Python Scripts

Stock Exchange Report

The cast:

VOICE OVER

John Cleese

MAN

Eric Idle

The sketch:

(Animated sketch, leading us into a studio set; a man is sitting in front of a non-animated (but cheap) graph labeled 'Stock Market Report'.)

Voice Over: And now the Stock Market Report by Exchange Telegraph.

Man: Trading was crisp at the start of the day with some brisk business on the floor. Rubber hardened and string remained confident. Little bits of tin consolidated although biscuits sank after an early gain and stools remained anonymous. Armpits rallied well after a poor start. Nipples rose dramatically during the morning but had declined by mid-afternoon, while teeth clenched and buttocks remained firm. Small' dark furry things increased severely on the floor, whilst rude jellies wobbled up and down, and bounced against rising thighs which had spread to all parts of the country by mid-afternoon. After lunch naughty things dipped sharply forcing giblets upwards with the nicky nacky noo. Ting tang tong rankled dithely, little tipples pooped and poppy things went pong! Gibble gabble gobble went the rickety rackety roo and ... (a bucketful of water descends on him)

Monty Python Scripts

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